ToMarto Report, 31st May 2020

NRL Round 3


Footy’s back and on Sunday morning I woke up with a footy tipping comp morning glory. I was rolling in hot, 6 from 6 with two morals to come. The sun glistened on my beautiful right arm with no tattoos. I knew today was going to be a great day with manly and Penrith to win and for the sole reason my parents had a cheeky mid-January lunch time dalliance some 40 years and 9 months before.


As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death today, 31st May 2020, little did I know that the footy tipping comp gods had not finished with me yet. 90 whole minutes of hell, some of the toughest minutes I’ve done in a tipping comp. Penrith and Newcastle drew 14 all, leaving me wanting to throw up from exhaustion and fear that Kelvin from level 15 could draw the week with me.


Being as cocky as Ben cousins on Day 5 of a bender, I'd organised a date night made up of local gourmet pizza and gelato like it was Christmas Day and I was going to propose. I tipped 8 from 8 with a draw in one game, the same as Kelvin. I sent a photo in the work teams chat comp group of the pizza like a gladiator from Rome. Kelvin wrote back nothing but an emoji of a thumbs up, he knows how much that shits me as he sits in his Mum's house. Week 4 looks like a favourites multi punter heaven smorgasbord, game on moles.


Dear Darius,...


As the train slowly left Milton bound for the final station of Parramatta, a single isolated battler stood on Milton road in tears. His hands so dry from washing them for three months, a single tear, a Powers Broncos jersey on and a hand made sign written with love, sin and an uneasy VIP membership at Honeybees.


The sign read, 'Darius please retire now'.

Thank you for everything Darius, but it's time to move on. (Photo credit: FoxSports)


The end of an era, the newspapers no longer printed in the West, Cafes had 10 people, 4 passes and no vowels it was an ordinary night at head quarters for Darius Bennett Boyd.


Love and admiration comes in all shapes and sizes. The shape and size at the moment feels more like an off avocado, which to a Gen Y in someways is like their clear reason for still living at home and zero signs of seeing the world as they can drive the communal Hyundai i30 at a moments notice pending their parents have filled it with petrol.


The hit ups and breaks have slowed, the end is near. Let’s ease ourselves in for the road ahead, it feels like it will be long and hard which is not how I like my dessert served.


Let’s give him one more cheer, as we drink potentially nothing but more rum and beer. It’s a long road ahead to retirement, but thank you Darius for your efforts, but the time has come.


It was the 20th May, 2020...


Youngblood, the new QLD horse giving some old punters a mid-life crisis.


Youngblood ran a gallant second again today at the Sunshine Coast sent out $2.20 favourite in Race 2 over 1800m. The Tony Gollan trained, ex-Gai Waterhouse red carded throw away has flourished since arriving in QLD.


The horse’s owners are old school punters and have laid into this gelding out of Sacred Falls twice in a matter of weeks, both to arrive back at work 10-min later on a cheeky Wednesday to inform their Wives that their Mothers are dropping over dinner tonight.


This horse as quoted by one of the owners, “This horse is the golden ticket that Charlie and Grandpa Joe found for us.”


At the time of writing this all hope from the Wives is that one day they will get an apprentice on board with no weight and no other horses in the race and then it’s load up time, $15 each-way and lock up Caxton Street if he wins. It’s high tea, fascinators, espresso martinis and muskets at dawn.


Until next time...



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