Hurry up Footy… It’s Trade Season! A light-hearted look at this year’s trade period.

Unless you support one of the four teams remaining in this year’s final series, surely you don’t actually care about these last three games right? Or maybe you only care because it’s an excuse to sit back with mates and enjoy a few (sorry Vic not you).


Perhaps you only care because you desperately don’t want the Tigers to win their third premiership in four years. Anyway, if you’re a fan of one of the 14 teams no longer in the hunt, you’re likely focused on trade season and may be thinking this...


Adelaide


Are we getting pick 2? Surely we are? Brad Crouch better not have ruined this with his off-field antics. I hope the club’s going through every South Australian in the league and trying to lure him home. Jackson Hately, tick. Fantasia, hmm will he ever get on the park or do we just pick him up for his name?


Carlton


Look out! Looooooook Out! Another day goes by and another star linked to a move to the mighty Bluebaggers! Williams, tick. Saad, tick should Adrian Dodoro get off his high horse. Now who else can we get?


Collingwood


Geez this salary cap looks about as tight as a shirt button after Christmas lunch! What on earth is going on with Dayne Beams? Surely that would solve everything. Moore’s signed, tick. De Goey, meh not worth what he’s asking. How many times does Treloar need to say he’s staying before those rumours disappear?



Essendon


What is going on? This club looks like the Berlin Wall in the early nineties. Daniher, Saad, who else? Nah it’s okay, we have Dodoro, we’ll get the world in return.


Fremantle


Does anyone, anyone good at all want to come play for us? We’ve got some good kids, just need the cream on top. What’s happening with Jesse Hogan, you know we gave up plenty to bring him in right?


Gold Coast


2020 is a damn strange year, our seasons finished and none of our good players want to leave yet. In fact, actual good players are being linked to us.


Greater Western Sydney


Corr? see ya! Williams? see ya! Jeremy Cameron? Nah please stay, this Ferrari can’t drive without its front tyres.


Hawthorn


We’re the Hawks, it’s okay we keep our cards close to our chest. Come the actual trade period we’ll be linked to a star and for sure get a couple players in for under market value.


Melbourne


Jack Viney? Yep heart and soul of the club, definitely worth five years! Clayton Oliver linked to a move away from the club? Yeah righto, job on champ. Hey Jesse, want to come back to the team you actually played good footy for?


North Melbourne


Line-up, line-up, everything must go! One trade period only! Higgins, Brown, Goldstein, Cunnington. If you don’t get them now then we’ll probably delist them anyway!


St Kilda


Jye Caldwell? Yeah who else? We brought in like five blokes last trade period, don’t see why we can’t do it again.


Sydney


Joe Daniher? Yeah nah we don’t need him anyway, stuff him!


West Coast